Look! It's Maren!

9th August 2011

Post with 2 notes

Young Love

I never thought that I would ever find someone. High school was crap. I always felt like the third wheel with my closest friends. I always felt so alone. I was told that having a boyfriend wasn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. The only problem was, I was being told this by all of my friends who had boyfriends. Sure, that’s easy for them to say, they have their happy little life off to the side. I didn’t. I wanted to hang out with friends, but they wanted to hang out with their boyfriends. I was sure I was destined to be alone. I mean, every crush I had just made me feel stupid, they were always wrong for me. I had a huge crush on one of my friends Freshman year and they didn’t even notice, then they dated some other girl, and I don’t see why he would have wanted to date her. I had a crush on this other kid, which even the memory of liking him makes me want to kick myself, I asked him to Sadie Hawkin’s and he didn’t want to go with me, we could have gone as friends, but I wasn’t good enough, though I am way better than any of that anyway. Then this year, I had a big crush on this one guy. A drummer in a band. Who was really good at guitar and bass as well, and though I never heard him, he could apparently sing too. Oh wow, a band guy, wouldn’t that be the best?! Uh, no, not really. Every time I thought he seemed interested I just felt stupid. He was cute, sure, but I apparently wasn’t cute enough. You can’t give a girl really long hugs and tell them after a while of not seeing them that you haven’t had your “Maren fix” I mean come on. And that was after I decided he was a complete douche. I can’t have a crush on a guy that will say things like “gay gay gay gay hahaha” just to annoy one of my other friends. My dad is gay and has a partner and I absolutely love both of them. And if you have a problem with that, I have a problem with you. I gave up. Though my friends weren’t really, they were telling me that I should go out with this guy, or that guy. ‘Not gonna happen’ is all I could think. I was told by some friends that I needed to meet one of their friends. Because they played music and liked a lot of the same things as me. He was a really cool guy and we should all get together and play music. Somehow ended up talking to the guy on facebook. We would be on chat until 3am just talking about whatever. I had the idea that we could meet up and then when came time that our friends said we all should hang out then we would already know each other. It would be a laugh. I told a different friend that I was meeting up with him and she looked at his profile and basically said “I approve, date him”. No! I have talked to this guy online, I barely know him. We are just going to hang out, it will be a fun day. We were going to the Harry and the Potters concert. I missed them last time they were in town and I didn’t want to miss them again, and I figured going somewhere with a bunch of people around would be best. One of my other friends went too, she likes Harry Potter and knows the books, though she had never seen them before so didn’t know the songs, she figured it would be fun. I was glad to have another friend there. I mean when this guy came to pick me up I wasn’t sure what would happen. It’s different talking online than in person. I mean sure we can talk until 3am but who says that there wont be awkward silences on the car ride to the concert. There weren’t. We got along well. Actually, more than well. We ended up holding hands and me being in his arms a lot. He leaned over to me and said “I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this, but you’re really really pretty.” Seriously?! Talked to this guy a few times online, then the day I meet him he tells me I’m pretty, then later says “I think I was wrong earlier, you’re actually gorgeous.” Okay, swoon much? I mean come on, I’ve had crushes on guys, and they never, never, made me feel good about myself, they made me go home feeling stupid for liking them. I never thought that the day I meet someone face to face that they would tell me I’m pretty, gorgeous even. So you know, I kissed him on the cheek, then he said that it made his head spin. How the hell did I find a guy this adorable in such a short amount of time? It was all too perfect. We ended up going down to a dock that he used to go to a lot. That was where he kissed me. First guy that ever gave me butterflies and first guy that ever kissed me. I meet a guy face to face that I talked to online, and that day we end up dating. I feel lame not having a boyfriend in high school, but actually, I’m kinda glad it didn’t happen until after high school. I feel like high school is just too drama filled to have a boyfriend. Anyway. I suppose this all got brought up because on Saturday it was our first of what I hope will be many months. It’s weird, at some points I feel like it was only last week that we were hanging out at the beach playing frisbee, being only the third time I had seen him in my life. At other times I feel like it’s been longer, 2 months at least. But I guess that’s how it goes when the person you are dating is pretty much the same as you. I guess I could say that I have found my dream guy. We like pretty much all of the same things. Bacon among those things because it’s so delicious. I play video games with him which he never would have expected to be able to play video games with his girlfriend. He has told me that I’m his dream girl, and I never thought I could be anyone’s dream. I know that talking about forever when it’s been a month is kind of something that most people hope for. But I really wouldn’t mind if this was my first and last relationship. I have found someone that makes me feel better about myself, someone that will just hold me when I want them to, someone who is almost as good at hugging as I am. I’m just happy. Finally I don’t feel like I’m alone in the world. Of course I’ve always had amazing friends so I knew I was never alone. But I have someone I know will talk to me when I don’t have anyone else to talk to. I’m pretty sure I’ve found where I belong. I’m hesitant when it comes to being in love. I don’t think I’m in love at this point. I do love him, but I’m not in love.

Though I might just be falling there.